Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize