Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
