If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
