and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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