dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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