You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
this just has baby written all over it
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
