So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
