Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
