i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
