I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
