Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
