a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
