I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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