im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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