so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
