He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
