'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
