great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
