I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
