ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
