Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I supernannyed him into submission
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
