you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just had sex on a roof
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
