He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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