i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
