i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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