I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
