im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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