What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
