are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
