problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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