It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize