YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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