I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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