jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
