i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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