I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
