I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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