Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
