This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
