just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
