Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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