First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize