My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
