I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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