I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
