You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
