you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
