i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
