dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
