So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize