Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
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