Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
