Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize