Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
