There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
