Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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