Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize