I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
