I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize