Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
