Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
