Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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