I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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