Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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