Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
