Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You pole danced in your parka.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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