WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
