carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Drake has all the answers
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
