Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
