No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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