I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just pee around me
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
