of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
