I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
