I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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