You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just high enough for therapy.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
