all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
