farters have to be the big spoon...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
