Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
