I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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