yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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