have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
