A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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