I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
