Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
